Last week, on Sunday evening (7/12), we got some takeout in an attempt to return to a "date night" routine. I ordered a burger (which comes with *amazing* onion rings), and also a kale salad that I planned to mostly consume the following day for lunch.
Unfortunately, the evening after I ate the salad on Monday, I woke up with the runs.
After the second excursion into the bathroom, I realized that this can be a symptom of Covid. (I have a good friend who actually had this symptom with Covid!)
"I'm going to sleep in Katie's room," I told Peter.
"No, you can stay here."
Pause. Rumblings in my stomach continued.
"No, I'm going to sleep in Katie's room."
I must have hit the bathroom five times that night. I got up with a mild headache. I ate breakfast in a separate room. I wore a mask anytime I was inside.
I recalled reading articles that suggested if a person is exposed to less of the virus at the onset, the symptoms are more mild. This stuck with me because it seemed logical to think that meant a vaccine could be effective. I figured that anything I could do to keep Peter from possibly being in contact with the potential virus was good, even if he was destined to get it anyway.
I took my temperature. Twice. No fever. Stomach stayed OK, too.
By 10:30 pm that night, alone in Katie's bed, I decided it was too hard to sleep there, and I was feeling better. I crawled back into my own bed. I felt pretty good by Wednesday morning, and I resumed all normal activities.
Except kale salad.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
This week I came across this interesting piece:
Dear Diary 2020 Edition,
In ❄️ January, 🔥 Australia caught on fire. I don’t even know if that fire was put out, because we straight up almost went to war with Iran. We might actually still be almost at war with them 🤔. I don’t know, because 👩 Jen Aniston and 👨🏻 Brad Pitt spoke to one another at an awards 🏆 show and everyone flipped out 😲, but then there was this thing happening in 🦇 China, then 👑 Prince Harry and Megan ✌🏼 peaced out of the Royal family, and there was the whole impeachment trial 👩⚖️, and then CHINA virus 🦠 showed up in the US ✔️“officially,” but then 🏀 Kobe died 😭and UK peaced out of the European Union.
In February, the president was acquitted and the 👩🏼💼Speaker of the House took -Ten. Whole. Years.- to rip up a speech, but then the👨🔬 🌎WHO decided to give this virus a name, COVID-19, which confused 🤔some really important people 👔 in charge of, like, our lives, into thinking there were 18 other versions before it, but then Harvey Weinstein was found guilty 👨🏻⚖️, and Americans started asking if Corona beer 🍺 was safe to drink 🤦🏻♀️, and everyone on Facebook became a doctor 👨⚕️ who just knew the 🤒flu killed way more people than COVID 1 through 18.
In March, stuff hit the fan 👿. Warren dropped out of the presidential race and Sanders was like Bernie or bust 💥, but then Italy shut its whole country down 🚷, and then COVID Not-1-through-18 officially became what everyone already realized, a 😱 pandemic, and then a nationwide state of emergency 🆘 was declared in US, but it didn’t really change anything, so everyone was still confused or thought it was still just a flu 💁🏻♀️, but then COVID Not-18 was like, "Ya’ll not taking me seriously? 💡 I’m gonna infect the one celebrity everyone loves!" - and totally infected Tom Hanks👨🏻, and also said, "Y’all close all of the schools so y’all can 🙏🏼 appreciate teachers 👩🏫 for once (because you can’t teach them anything other than how to use a touch screen🤦🏻♀️)," and "Close down all of the salons so you can’t get your 💇♂️ hair or your nails done 💅." Then everyone had to work from home and attend Zoom meetings in their underwear. The 📉 DOW took a dive on itself, and most of us still don’t understand why the stock market is so important or even a thing 🤔. We were then all introduced to 🐅 Tiger King and the ONE thing we can all agree on this year 👍🏼, Carol totally killed her husband ⚰️ ..... whacked him! And then Netflix was like, "You’re welcome," and we all realized there was no way we were washing our hands enough in the first place because all of our hands are now dry and gross and were all searching for lotion now.
In 🌧 April, Bernie finally busted ✌🏼 himself out of the presidential race 🏃, but then NYC 🗽 became the set of The Walking Dead 💀 and we learned that no one has face masks 😷, ventilators, or toilet paper, or THE FREAKING SWIFFER WET JET LIQUID, and by then our 🦁 outgrowth was showing, so there was a shortage on 📦 box hair dye and all of our hairdressers were like, 😱 "NO DON'T DO IT!!!" But, then Kim Jong-Un died, but then he came back to life … or did he? Who knows, because then the Pentagon released 🎥 videos of UFOs and nobody cared, and we were like man, it’s only April….
In 💐 May, the biblical end times kicked off, with historical locust swarms, murder hornets 🐝, and the realization that 2020 was the start of the Hunger Games 🙈 (however, people forgot to let us know). Some people started to protest lock-down measures with 🔫 AR-15s. 🏀⚾️ Sports events were cancelled everywhere. Then people all over America finally reached a breaking point with race issues and violence. There were 🗣 protests in every city 🌃, which was confusing to some of us because people were definitely gathering in 👫 crowds of more than 🖐🏼🤚🏼10, and for sure closer than 6 foot away ⬅️➡️ from each other. Those people must have forgotten about the 😖 pandemic called COVID Not-One-Through-18. Media 📺 struggled with how to 🤬 focus on two important things at once, and people in general struggled to focus on more than one important thing. A dead whale 🐋 was found in the middle of the Amazon rain forest 🌳 after monkeys 🐒 stole COVID 1-Through-19 from a lab 🔬 and ran off with them, and either in May or April (no one can keep track of time now) a giant asteroid ☄️ narrowly missed the Earth 🌍.
In ☀️ June, science and common sense just got thrown 🤾🏼 straight out the window and somehow 😷 wearing masks became a 🏛 political thing, but then everyone sort of remembered there was a pandemic, but then decided that not wearing a mask was somehow a ✝️ God-given right (still haven't found that part in the Bible, or even in the Constitution). Then 👨🔬 scientists announced they found a mysterious undiscovered mass at the center of the earth, and everyone was like 🙅🏽♂️🙅🏻♀️🚧 DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH IT, but then everyone took a pause to realize that some people actually believed that Gone With The Wind 💨 was like non-fiction, but then it was also announced that there is a strange 🛰 radio signal coming from somewhere in the universe 🌌 that repeats itself every so many days, and everyone was like 👽 DON’T YOU DARE ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE WITH IT‼️🚫 But then America reopened 🙌🏼 from the shut-down that actually wasn’t even a shut-down, and so far, things have gone spectacularly .... not that great 👎🏼. All of the "Karen"s came out at once, and people started tearing down 🔨 statues. Everyone was on Facebook arguing 🤼♀️ that masks kill because no one knows how breathing works 👃🏼, but then Florida 🏖 was like "Hold my beer," 🍺 and "Let me show you how we’re number one 🥇 in all things, including new Not-Corona-Beer Coronavirus." Trump 👱🏻♂️ decided it was a good time to ask the Supreme Court 🏛 to shut down ❌ Obamacare because what better time to do so than in the middle of a pandemic 💁🏻♀️, but then we learned there was a massive dust cloud ☁️ coming straight at us 📍 from the Sahara Desert 🐫, which is totally normal, but this is 2020, so the 👻 ghost mummy thing is most likely in that dust cloud. We then 📚 learned of meth-gators 🐊, and I'm like, "That is so not on my flipping 2020 Bingo card 😡 and can we use it as the free space??" 🤷🏻 Then we learned that the Congo's worst ever Ebola 🚨 outbreak is over 😓, and we were all like, "There was an Ebola outbreak that was the worse ever?" 👀 ....... and don’t forget we just discovered FLYING SNAKES! 🐍 Seriously! FLYING SNAKES!!!!
So here comes July…. at this point we are over it, just tell us what’s next .... 👽 Aliens? 🔱Zeus? ☄️ Asteroids? Artificial Intelligence becomes self aware? Can it just be something cool 😎 or fun for once? Maybe even a good laugh, like hahaha 😂 April Fools! We all actually wouldn’t mind that joke at this point.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have no idea who wrote this.
Also, why didn't I know about the whale in the Amazon?
Or a few other things because I just can’t keep up anymore!
